thoughts from a Truth seeker and a daughter of God

Here it goes...

2012-01-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

Tengo miedo. Unë jam i frikësuar. J'ai peur. Ég er hræddur. I am afraid. Spanish, Albanian, French, Icelandic, English, no matter which language it's all the same emotion. This is my emotion currently, if you couldn't tell. For a long time I have wanted to sponsor a Compassion or World Vision child on my own. My family sponsors one or two, but I wanted to have one that was truly a sacrifice from me to God. Today in chapel a speaker/ painter came and spoke to us, challenged us, shared the Word of God with us, and encouraged us. God said a lot of great things through Eric and I don't think I have seen people on Roberts campus respond to a chapel so much (granted this is my second semester here. But still, 3 chapels a week for 15 weeks...) Anyways, one of the things that he said was along the lines of this: if you keep the love that's inside of you, that's the most it will ever be. If you give the love that's inside of you, it's the least it will ever be.

Wow.

That really made an impact on me, for a couple of reasons:
1. What do we have in this life if we don't have and give love? Behind every teaching, action, word, and thought of Jesus is love.
2. The past couple of months I have not been content. I've slowly come to realize that along with my focus on earning God's love (this, by the way, is farrrrrrr from how God wants it to be- it's all about grace, people) and a constant selfishness on my part, has been the cause of my discontent. Being at college has been challenging because yes I am here for myself to learn and to grow as a human being. But, I am also here to serve this community and help mankind in any way I am called.

Today I took a risk- although in the long run it's not exactly a risk since God has it all under control. But, I finally decided to sponsor a child! This is basically a cycle of how my emotions have been since about 2:00 this afternoon: I am sponsoring a child! [excitement] I am sponsoring a child? [some confusion] I am sponsoring a child. [panic] Over and over again. Oh, and between each of those emotions have been prayers thanking, questioning, and sending up concerns to the Heavenly Father. I am a college student with a part time job, who just spend loads of money on books for the semester, and I am undergoing having a regular amount of money come out of my bank account. I believe some people would say "AHH!" Anyways, I am afraid (as previously mentioned) but excited too! I know that this is a great step in my relationship with God because I am not sure I have ever given up so much of this area of my life to Him before. It's about time, Kayla. Yes, yes it is- far past time, I should say.
I am excited for a more lively prayer life (oh, will I ever be praying for my little guy and for the means to sponsor him) and the benefits of letting go of "control" of my life this way. I believe more than ever, today, that God will provide.

My little guy's name is Eli Alejandro and he lives in Nicaragua. He is 8 years old and comes from a family with a mom, dad, and 12 other children! Coming from a family of four total, I would now like to say, holy steak and potatoes! All I ask from you, my small amount of readers, is to please pray for him that he will grow up to become a wonderful man of God!

Thank you so much, and God bless!!

Another Lesson to Learn

2011-12-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

The past couple of weeks, on a few different occasions, I have had someone tell me that I always look nice, or that I always look like I could be from New York City- just kind of classy and nicely dressed. Both times I found that funny because, one, I have horrible self-confidence (not that I'm alone in that) and two, I had never before thought of myself in that way. BUT looking back at my past, it kind of makes sense how I have transformed the way that I dress. Before I go on, I would like to say that I do not think that I have incredible fashion sense, or what not.

So, when I was in middle school I hated the way that I dressed, not because I wanted designer clothes necessarily, but because I always thought I looked kind of frumpy (if that's the right word). I guess I was just not well put together. Over time I think that I completely changed that because I wanted to be classy (a favorite word of mine, probably used too much). I care(d) what others thought of me, even my friends and church family. I don't buy high-end clothes or spend hours getting ready in the morning, but I do generally care about what others think of how I look.

Well, tonight at the Christmas eve service at my church, I had to look kind of ridiculous. Why, you may ask? Because this past Wednesday I had my wisdom teeth removed. But Kayla, today is Saturday. Yes, yes it is. But, the teeth were very impacted and so my cheeks are still pretty swollen. I don't have the thinnest face, so with even bigger cheeks, let's just say I felt the need to explain to almost everyone I talked to why my face was so overly large. Here is where God comes in...

The message at the service was about how God sent His Son, a King, to be born in one of the lowliest of places- a stable in Nazareth. In this world of constant struggle to attain perfection, I often forget about how Jesus completely went against the ways of the world. He didn't try to fit in, he made his own path in the world, one that was so much different than what anyone expected. It actually says in the Bible that Jesus was not a man that was attractive or visually impressive, just a normal guy who cared more about His Father than His appearance or how he could fit in.

Now let me say, there is nothing wrong with looking nice. But, when it becomes something that you pride yourself in or gives you a sense of "betterness" over others- or you always dress nice to impress someone- that's not good. Going to church tonight with puffy cheeks was not something that I really did not want to have happen because it was embarrassing. I am confident though, that it's something God had in mind for me because He is really showing me priorities in life. Humility verses pride/ trying to impress others. I need to let go sometimes, in that I shouldn't put on the appearance of having everything together all of the time. By always being so tightly pulled together, there is less room for God to work through me.

Thesepictures that I chose to go with this blog post are obviously Jennifer Aniston, who is always so well dressed (as shown in the one picture of 3 different shots) but also as a peasant woman if she lived during the Renaissance. She definitely would not have been so clean and nicely dressed - just something to think about I suppose.

Oh Holy Night

2011-12-19T21:49:00.000-08:00

As I write this post, my thoughts are consumed with visions of sugar plums, while my eyes reflect the glow of Christmas lights. I love this time of year so much, but recently I have been evaluating what about the holiday season that I love so much. Is it the presents I receive/give? Is it the snow? Is it the family time? Those are definitely on the list, however there is something else that I completely cherish each year. For those of you with bigger families this may not be possible, but since I am the youngest of two, it is a very simple thing- when everyone else has gone to bed or is out of the house, sitting in the glow of the Christmas tree with a fire on (or in my case right now, the "Fireplace for Your Home" option on Netflix) and all alone, is such a wonderful thing. Although, I suppose I can't leave out my two pups who are curled up on each couch, no doubt dreaming of the treats they will find in their Christmas stockings (or at least I like to think so).

I love being able to take time to relax in this way at the very end (and sometimes the beginning) of a long day. Today I spent all of my hours driving from appointment to appointment (being home from college does have its downfalls because all of the appointments you would have normally spread out, all end up falling on the same day). Now, I like being able to drive alone and just have my thoughts to myself, but driving twenty minutes to one appointment then back for a ten minute lunch break, and back in the car for another forty minutes is not ideal. Not to mention the combined 2 hour total time period waiting to get into the appointments...(first world problems, right?)

So I have concluded that these nights alone with my dogs, sleepily admiring the Christmas decor, and reminiscing of Christmas' past, are sacred. These nights are what I like to think of as personalized blessings from God. Having time completely alone from other people is the way that I recharge and re-energize. It's so wonderful to me that God gives me this opportunity every year to admire such a holy time of Jesus' birth, while spending my time with Him, and being revived all the while.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again- it's the simple things in life, folks.

Have a very happy Christmas celebrating our precious Savior's birth!

2011-11-29T17:02:00.001-08:00

"Let me infuse My peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you can accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.

In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts."

Isaiah 58:11; Isaiah 40:11

Jesus Calling (page 348)

Reading this today was such a comfort to me. It describes exactly how I have been feeling for probably about a couple months now. I have felt like I am going through a desert area right now. If you had asked me a week ago I would have said that there was no end in sight, but I think now I can see something besides the scary, blistering hot sand on the horizon. Jesus has been faithfully carrying me through this arid land of questions and doubt and I have only to believe that this will make me and my faith stronger than before.

Listen to this song, I mean really listen to it, especially the chorus:
Your Love is Strong- Jon Foreman

God of Understanding

2011-11-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen a word so many times that you thought you knew what it meant but when you looked it up you realized you didn't actually know? So many times while reading I come across words like that and once I look them up I understand what I am reading on a deeper level. Just today I was reading a Psalm of David (Psalm 25) and I read verse 17 that says "Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish." That word anguish reached out to my heart and so I grabbed my dictionary and this is what I found: "acute pain of the body or mind; grief; anxiety; moral torment."

Finding that definition changed the way that I related to that verse. It doesn't seem like a very comforting verse, but it reminded me that God cares so much about how we feel- He dedicated a whole book in His holy Book to us about our emotions, feelings, and thoughts! I went away from that feeling so comforted and relieved-- in all of the things that draw my attention and questions that I am confronted with during all my days, I can go to God and His Word and know that He understands.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD

is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends

of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom."

Isaiah 40:28

A Lesson from John

2011-09-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

"He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how." -Nietsche

As I reluctantly opened up one of the many required books for First Year Seminar, Man's Search for Meaning (by Frankl) I quickly came across the quote listed above. I was only in the second preface (yes, it has two...) when I was struck by how much weight it had for such a small sentence. I have been pondering about this the past couple of days and I am not sure I have it quite understood yet.

Being at college I have realized that I came in with so many expectations. Even though it has only been a couple of weeks, I look back and see that in some aspects I was almost waiting to start living. I really hesitate to say that because I know that I truly did live, but I wonder if I felt as though I wasn't in most moments. Getting to college was a wake up call for me that life isn't just going to fall into place now that I'm a collegiate student and am now at the point in life where a lot of things should start happening- dating and getting married, learning about my future career and getting a professional job, etc. Coming with those expectations and thinking that some of them would happen right away has left me in disappointment.

Keeping it short and simple, I have been reminded many times that my plan for myself is mostly folly- but that's okay because Jesus' plan for me is so much better! Another one of my reading assignments, for a different class, was to read the book of John in the Bible and in multiple parts John records that things happened to people because that is how their life was to glorify God. I have never really heard it put that way, or maybe it just hadn't hit me that way before, but I can go through life with confidence knowing that though my life may not be the societal norm, it is what is planned for me and it is what is going to bring glory to my Father in Heaven.

My Ever Changing Tree

2011-08-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

Another college goodbye
Another teardrop slipping down my face
I'm excited for what is ahead, but I cannot forget what is behind
I remember years past as I drive down a familiar road
I go by a lone tree on the cusp of a mountain view
It's one I've known for so long, admiring from a distance
My ever changing tree.

Summertime seems like an era of brilliant hues of green leaves
They've just blossomed and seem to have grown so much more than any other season
The tree welcomes the sun as it lives under God's new mercy every morning
It's trusting, yet still hesitant of the times to come
My ever changing tree.

In autumn the leaves are radiantly orange and red against the bright green grasses
The cool breeze embraces each leaf, blowing them around with care and fin esse
There's so much to learn and grasp as a new season engulfs it
My ever changing tree.

In winter the tree is bare, vulnerable to the harsh winter weather, yet still wonderfully beautiful
I feel as though I know the curvature of each branch and limb, icicle and crevice filled with snow,
Even though I do not
I can't help but admire the hope our Creator has given it in times of isolation
My ever changing tree.

Before I know it, spring encroaches the tree
Some would say it is being filled with life again, but I say it always had life in the terrible cold,
It just had to keep it close and share only with the closest creatures near it
The Father begins to reveal more of His plans for His creation
My ever changing tree.

I wish I had drawn close to it while I had all the time in the world
Maybe I could have sat underneath it with a blanket and a book
Or taken the time to learn each piece of bark, to call it friend
I know I'll be back, but I wont be here all year to see or feel
My ever changing tree.

in Christ alone

2011-07-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

Lately I have experienced the amazing effects of God's love for me. He has just poured it down so richly that every day I am incredibly aware of how grateful I am to Him for all He's done. My Heavenly Father has provided for a need that I've had and prayed about for a long time. It doesn't take away the main problem, but knowing and dealing with some of the roots of where insecurities and other issues in my life have come from, is better than being sorrowfully complacent. My Precious Jesus has yet again cared for me in such a way that I never expected.

This morning as I read this scripture, I really felt that it describes how I've been recently- how the Lord has lifted me up and said, "I hear you, and I love you."

Psalm 40:1-5
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud
to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare."

Amen

Cannons

2011-01-18T10:08:00.000-08:00

It’s falling from the clouds, a strange and lovely sound.
I hear it in the thunder and the rain.
It’s ringing in the skies, like cannons in the night
The music of the universe plays

We're singing You are holy, great, and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I’m so unworthy but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are

Beautiful and free
The song of galaxies
Reaching far beyond the Milky Way

Let’s join in with the sound
Come on let's sing it out
As the music of the universe plays

Singing You are holy, great, and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I’m so unworthy but still you love me
Forever my heart will sing of You!

All glory, honor, power, is Yours, amen
All glory honor, power, is Yours, amen
All glory honor, power, is Yours, forever amen

You are holy, great, and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I’m still unworthy but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are!

You are holy, great, and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I’m so unworthy but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of YOU!

song by Phil Wickham
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_MIz_AyvoQ

Lucy Pevensie

2011-01-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

"Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed." -G. K. Chesterton

Less imagination as the years go by,
so i observe in others.
Why shouldn't I believe that in Heaven the trees dance
and the pedals join together
swaying to joyous songs
and praising Him?
The grass excellently vibrant,
knowing it's purpose is to grow for Him.
Animals speak of His glory
as warm snowflakes fall
bringing strength, and radiance.
Everything is perfect,
exuberant,
enchanted.
His love a warm glowing blanket,
covering and protecting us forever.

We shall go as children expecting all this
yet knowing there is so much more.

An Early Winter's Thought

2010-11-27T11:34:00.000-08:00

Each individual flake, His creation, calming me.
I watch as they all float down to the roof tops and ground.
They stick to tradition, as do I.
Each reflecting a glimmer of happiness.
And I have to remember, it's a wonderful life.

Eden by Phil Wickham

2010-10-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

When the first light brighten the dark
Before the breaking of the human heart
There was You and there was me
Innocence was all I knew
'Cause all I had to know was You
We were running underneath the trees

I wanna see you face to face
Would be in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

I remember how'd You call my name
And I would meet You at the garden gate
How the glory of Your love would shine
And I remember when the stars were young
you breath into my lungs
Oh I never felt so alive

I wanna see you face to face
Would be in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet down pour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

Richness of a Day Dream

2010-09-11T17:41:00.001-07:00

Her senses were awake before she opened her eyes. She could feel the warm, subtle breeze gently blowing by, the slanted patch of sunlight across her face, and the scratchy, yet somehow cozy, love seat on which she had been napping.

As she opened her eyes and saw the brilliant blue skies spotted with wispy white clouds, her mind immediately tore through reality in an effort to out-do itself from the last day dream she had.
It was still summer. She had no burden of homework. Of school. Of the night before where change had once again smothered her. He was still there, as were they.

But as the thoughts consumed her head and her heart, reality had it's revenge and she was thrust back into the current day.

Soaring Through an Endless Diamond Sky

2010-09-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

i'm like a shooting star
i've come so far
i can't go back
to where i used to be

2010-08-31T18:23:00.001-07:00

"This year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people."

--The Case for Christianity

el sol ha vuelto a aumentar

2010-08-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

creo que soy más feliz que yo era antes

hello hurricane

2010-07-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

every thing I have I count as loss
everything I have is stripped away
before I started building
I counted up these costs
there's nothing left for you to take away

I'm just different

2010-07-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago i would have never pictured my life the way that it is now.
I'm not exactly sure what i was expecting.
Maybe the stereotypical teenage life like on 7th Heaven or in the movies.
Some people might think it's a shame that i'm not exactly "normal" in that way.
I might agree with part of that, but not most of it.
I know that my Jesus has a plan for me (as he does for everyone) and i just have to follow.
I know that He is faithful.

The Purpose

2010-01-28T20:17:00.001-08:00

“Mack, if anything matters than everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again”
-Sarayu (235) The Shack

That little quote is from The Shack, a book i read last year but have been thinking about reading again. I loved the book then and a lot has happened since i read it, so i'm wondering, what will i think of it now?
I've been thinking a lot lately about the future (not unusual) and i realized i want to help people. I want to see people's lives change. I want everybody to know just how much Jesus loves them and how much that can change their perspective on life. It's funny because even though i have been a christian for years, it wasn't until about two weeks ago that i realized how in love with me that Jesus is. It really is just mind blowing. I mean honestly, to think that somebody could love me so much that they would die for me and take MY sins, MY problems, and MY everything that is wrong with me..and take it as their own. I never realized that for real until recently, which saddens me a little bit just to think of all the opportunities that i could have had to really show His love if i had known it myself. However, it's not too late to start. It's exciting really to think of how i can help people and love them. And i know it's not me who is going to accomplish these things, it's obviously Jesus..but just to think of how He'll use me is exciting!

P.S.>>The painting in this post is inspired by The Chronicles of Narnia--Aslan and Lucy. The first time that i saw it i wanted to cry because i thought of how that's Jesus and us...He really is holding us and loving us in such a great way. It really is amazing and just the Lion being so nurturing...it's just so great ha..not to mention it's a lion haha

<3

The Advent

2009-12-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's the first of December and the first snowfall of the season!
As my Dad and i were driving home from my Grandparents' house Sunday night we passed house after house lit up by Christmas lights. It got me thinking about what this season has been turned into. What should be a joyous, miraculous, and unselfish time is now stressful, chaotic, and greedy.

Year after year at my church I'm told the story of the very first Christmas- Jesus' birth. I think, though, that this year is going to mean more to me than previous years. As I watch the news and see how the world is changing, in not so good ways, and as my own family and friends become burdened with problems of their own, I'm constantly reminded of the reason Jesus was put on this earth.
^{Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
28}"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Yes, it's a verse about the cross and all the sins that Jesus drank up and took away from us. But it just reminds me to rejoice and celebrate this Christmas because if He wasn't born, He wouldn't have done what He did.
Please don't make this Christmas just another shopping extravaganza and irksome time-make it meaningful.

not just a song

2009-10-02T13:56:00.001-07:00

like a bird in the wind

like a sail on the sea

I'm in love, i give in

oh Lord take control of me

Isaiah Six; In The Wind

There Will Be Light

2009-09-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

God does not leave his children without
light.
He saw that light was good, and so he
keeps
the silver lamp of stars lit in the night,
The moon's soft radiance while mankind sleeps.
Never a cloud so dense but some faint ray
Marks where the sun moves out beyond the dark;
And i have found that never a night or day,
If i but search, there is some little spark
Of brilliance permeating any fog:
some home-sweet lamp set on a heavenly sill,
A searchlight lifting through the city's smog,
A guiding beacon glowing on a hill.
"Let there be light- and there was light." O men,
Even in this dark hour there is a light
Waiting beyond the clouds to shine again:
The lifted lamp of God, full-orbed and bright,
Still burns despite our anxious fears and doubt,
A light that never will be blackened out.

page 14 of Journey Into Dawn by Grace Noll Crowell

Psalm 33:4-7

2009-09-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

For the word of the Lord is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.
The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

By the word of the Lord were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of his
mouth.

He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;
he puts the deep into storehouses.

i've never had all the answers

2009-07-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

this is one of those times i wish that i had a lap top just so i could sit in my room in the dark -- really trap my emotions and thoughts.
why is it that people go through so many feelings in one day? at one point we're happy, and then we think too much and we're sad...feeling useless or just pointless. what is this life anyway?...i find myself wondering that a lot, listening to that song by Chantal Kre...something or other...
the truth is that people have expectations, fair and unfair. people have wants, and then people just dont care at all. Friends drift away, and others come closer. No matter how many times i think it over, most of that doesnt really matter too much. I still wanna go somewhere, start over, and be free to be who i want- no expectations, no old life, just new.
i have so many questions for this life...like why am i afraid, yet excited at the same time? why do i want to start over when it's not like i have many regrets? i have so much that God has been so gracious to give me even though i dont deserve it and yet i pick out all the things that i could possibly trip over.. and i trip over them...figuratively speaking...
i was thinking about this the other day, like how if someone were to draw my life out on a beach: Jesus and i would be walking together and then i would just run away...more like drive right into the ocean and drown, or right into a pile of rocks and flip over- crash- burn.

no one really likes feeling like this anyways

see ya

This Summer is Still so Young

2009-06-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

SUMMER IS HERE
okay, just had to get that out there :)

I'm so excited about being able to do the things i couldnt during the school year. My friend and i made a list of all the things we want to do before summers end. Why is it that i'm more exhilarated and motivated at the beginning of summer than i am on New Years eve which is supposed to be "the beginning....a way to start over"?
It's probably the warm breeze and sunshine, the walks taken in barefeet with doggies :), catching up with old friends...or meeting new ones. The possibilities are endless. Probably the only disappointment someone could have would be summer not living up to their potential.
So i start here:
whats the weather supposed to be like today? A high of 73 and partly cloudy...
what music should i listen to this morning? Keith Urban
plans for today? small group later and whatever else i feel like doing......

p.s. photo by yours truly :)

There's a Light in the Dark Where the Sky Splits Apart

2009-05-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Wanna fly through the blue bay on the bottom with you
getting lost in the waves, let the world slip away
when nobody can find us, i don't wanna be safe
leave it all behind us, make an escape

You're my silver lining covered in gold
tell me what am i feeling
well, it's hard to explain
like underwater breathing, swimming in rain

and im standing still
but i can't catch my breath
or running fast as i can
but going no where
where do i go from here

Marie Digby

but what is it that i'm really after?

2009-05-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

Here I go again in my dreamy eyes
I should be content but something's just not satisfied, oh
It's nothing that you did, I'm still on your side
I can't love you if I'm not sure who I am inside

I've always got my head way up in the clouds
Something in me wants to fly away and leave the ground,
If you could hear my thoughts when no one's around
Then you'd understand my fear of being held down

Cause I wanna explore the world around me
Dance under the stars above me
And be free to make my own mistakes

from Symphony by Marie Digby

Just a day, just an ordinary day

2009-04-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

So i realized i havent written in a while. I guess maybe because i dont really have that much to say, or maybe because i was thinking of not writing in my blog anymore. Being vulnerable and putting out things i think on a daily basis just isnt that appealing to me right now. But, for some reason i am here, doing it (somewhat).
I'm in NJ right now...not too exciting for spring break...but atleast its not Burnt Hills. Theres not wrong with BH i guess, i just feel like there is so much more culture out there than in the little bubble of BH.
Thats my main goal in life- to travel as much as i can. Unfortunately some people dont really believe i can ever do it...or will do it. I just want to experience anything and everything. I want to see the pyramids of Egypt, the big stone thing Australia, the Panama Canal, Red Square, the sound of different languages, the crystal clear blue waters of Greece....i could go on and on.
Why limit ourselves to just on town..or state...or country for that matter? There is so much more out there. And honestly how can you know for sure who you are until you've been out and put yourself to different tests and experiences?
I have no idea how to picture my life in the future....like what college or what profession i'll have, but this is one thing that i really hope God has in his plans for me.

Kayla

incomplete thoughts...

2009-03-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along,
even if it's not your favorite song.
Don't wanna be the only one that
knows how it goes.

Rejoice

2009-02-27T13:23:00.000-08:00

So i dont know about you, but i have a tendency lately to just want to get through life. As a believer i must confess that i look forward to Heaven...a lot. Since lent started Wednesday i have started a daily devotional since people at my church were. Today's devotional was about how God wants you to celebrate life. i'm not really sure why i never really thought about that, but it makes sense considering he is the Creator. So i'm going to give myself a challenge- not say things like "ughh i hateeee my life"...even if i am sarcastic. But also just take every opportunity i get and just bring Jesus' love with me. It's a big one...and one that lasts longer than lent. but in the end it's totally worth it.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

2009-01-23T14:03:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wanted to write about something that would be significant to the world? I feel like i try each time i put up a post to impact someones life. Or maybe have that one quote that touches somebody's heart right where it counts. Honestly sometimes i feel like i want to change the world, and other times i just want to ignore the world and focus on only one thing.
I remember this one journal entry i wrote one time a few Christmas' ago. I had this strong feeling of wanting to become someone of importance, someone worth being. I think i connected my thoughts to Amelia Earhart; first woman to fly a plane across the Atlantic Ocean. That would be so cool to make history like that and have a reason for everybody to love me.
Well, i still want to be somebody who makes history or has an impact on this world. But since my journal entry i have come to realize many things. First, that kind of wanting isn't fulfilling. I mean, sure, people are going to remember you and be like "oh i remember when...that was amazing!". But then someone else comes along and you realize your not number one anymore, your not important to this world.
Well before you go off and be like, "wow what was the point to this post, to tell me the world wont notice me no matter what i do?". My point is that i know someone that does love you, even if all you do is nothing of importance. To Him, God, Jesus, Father, any name you want to use, to Him you are always important. He died for you and you're His daughter/son. And that does matter. It cancels out the moments in history.
Some people don't realize this. They think they aren't important to anyone. In the long run, worldly things don't matter- God matters. And yes, i realize some of this sounds a little cliche. But since when does something being cliche make it not true?

Just a thought,
Kayla

The future isn't ours to see

2009-01-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

As the new year has started i have been ignoring the typical "new years resolutions" and basically denying that, yes, i am making them. I'm not really calling them resolutions, more like necessary changes. Probably because the stereotype for new years resolutions is that in less than a month they are broken. So, by not calling them that i am going against the crowd and against the odds.
Since i am trying to make changes in my life, whether its to make myself better to my standards or to the worlds' standards, i am taking it one day at a time. I've come to realize many times (as i have probably posted about it before) that although i say i am not trying to control my life, calling it something different doesn't change what it actually is (sounds familiar?- new years resolutions) It's one thing to be responsible and make sure your life is under control, but i find myself trying to be independent (thus, not listening to God and his plans). And even though i find my "necessary changes" working out for the most part, i still feel that something is going wrong. As i was lying in bed the other night thinking, (which is where i think most about my life), i knew what i was missing and why i was feeling incomplete. Even though i have God in my life i need to keep up with reading the Word, praying (and not just things about me), and just being true to Him. And no matter what "necessary change" i make to my life, if it's not to focus on God more, then i'm not going to be truely happy.
So, my inspiration i should say, for this particular post is from a simple phrase "que será será" which means "whatever will be, will be". Reminding me once again that God ultimatley decides how my life will work out-and knowing God, it'll be pretty good ;)

saying what i'm feeling,
Kayla

Silence

2008-12-17T18:58:00.000-08:00

"We are all strangers in a strange land, longing for home, but not quite knowing what or where home is. We glimpse it sometimes in our dreams, o r a s w e t u r n a c o r n e r , and suddenly there is a strange, sweet familiarity that vanishes almost as soon as it comes…"
by Madeleine L'Engle; from The Rock That Is Higher: Story As Truth

I like that quote a lot, to put it simply. For a while i have been feeling like this, not knowing how to put it or express it. It goes with another one of L'Engle's poems which says,

Word I, who live by words, am wordless when

I try my words in prayer.

All language turns

To silence.

Prayer will take my words and then

Reveal their emptiness. The stifled voice learns

To hold its peace, to listen with the heart

To silence that is joy, is adoration

The self is shattered, all words torn apart

In this strange patterned time of contemplation

That, in time, breaks time, breaks words, breaks me,

And then, in silence leaves me healed and mended.

I leave returned to language, for I see

Through words, even when all words are ended, I, who live by words, am wordless when

I turn me to the Word to pray.

Amen.

-Madeleine L'Engle (Lines scribbled on an envelope while riding the 104 bus.)

Again at a loss for what to say,
Kayla

The Quiet Place

2008-11-20T13:17:00.000-08:00

Do you sometimes wish you could go sneak off somewhere; just you, God, and your thoughts? It's a little more optimistic than going to die in a hole. haha i love how thats my second sentence of the blog. but yea, so anyways, i know that whenever my day isn't going as planned, or as hoped, i need to remember that my life is already planned out. It's like if you have a recipe, it already has all the intstructions on how to get the most perfect cookie, but yet you insist on changing the recipe it because you think you can make that perfect cookie but in a different way. Well, God is the one who made the original recipe and the cookie is pretty much life (although not always so sweet) We shouldn't try to change it because God already made it perfectly.
Well, i've come to understand and realize (many, many, manyyyy times) that i don't have to know everything or understand everything. I try to tell myself that i know whats best for me (as society pushes that onto us). But really i don't even know like anything about my life, and the best part is i dont have to. All i need to do is trust [in Jesus that is] and everything will be okay. I need to remind myself of that everyday-as i am trying to live like my Father planned.

For i know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11

So maybe this quiet place is in my heart (i wonder if it looks like that picture above).
Maybe everyone has this quiet place where they can collect all their thoughts and feelings and just give them to Jesus.

in the secret, in the quiet place

in the stillness You are there...

Afterall, who can you trust more than someone who died for you because they love you?

tip-toeing away,
Kayla<3

Stable Instability

2008-11-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

So, considering i chose to write on November 4th- Election Day- i figured it would be naive of me not to write about this new political adventure. I'm not even sure it could be called an adventure, because to me 'adventure' sounds fun and exciting. Don't get me wrong, i am anticipating who will be President, but it's not like winning a million buck if you catch my drift.
Basically, this picture describes it all- as citizens of this country we are looking for our new leader; someone who is going to be able to fix it all and meet our standards of everyday living. Our search is for a stable country, by unstable people. We try to think these things through on our own, or think "well, this doesn't really apply to my spiritual life". It does though. We should trust God with every aspect of our lives.

So thats my little spiel for today. For those of you old enough- go vote! And let it be who God wants you to, not necessarily the popular vote. And for those of us who cant vote yet, well dont worry; its all in God's hands. =]

Peace Kayla

Take my dreams, come and give them wings

2008-09-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

So here are some song lyrics that i like alot. They are from a few different songs, so yea. Hope you like them!

I wanna set the world on fire Until it's burning bright for You It's everything that I desire Can I be the one You use?
I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
Nothing I cannot do
-set the world of fire by Britt Nicole

i wish i was more of a man [woman], have you ever felt that way?
and if i were to tell you the truth im afraid id have to say
that after all i've done and failed to do
i feel like less than i was meant to be
what if i could fix myself, maybe then i could get free?
but i need to remember this; that it's when im at my weakest i can clearly see
what if you could see yourself through another pair of eyes?
what if you could hear the truth instead of old familiar lies?
and what if you could feel inside the power of the hand that made the universe?
i wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me
-What life would be like by Big Daddy Weave

You are love, so i am love
You are joy, so i am Joy
You are peace, so i am peace
Lord everything You are now becomes me
-Identity by Phil Stacey

Love,
Kayla
P.S. The last one makes me smile hehe

.:.Destiny.:.

2008-09-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

So i guess this post is kind of going off of Primo's blog (Josh). He was saying how this year is going to be really different. I mean obviously this year isnt going to be the same as last year, but i feel like things are deffinetly going to unfold into all different things. We are looking more towards our future and what is important to us. I know something thats important to me is my Savior Jesus and i really just want to become who He has planned for me. I really like using the word 'destiny', and im not sure why. But thats what we are all trying to find. Although i guess there are a few exceptions of people who really just want to have fun now and worry about that stuff later. But i'm excited for the rest of my life. And so this is a really short blog, but i thought i would conclude it with a bible verse :)
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

At the most sincerity and love,
Kayla<3

synonyms of 'dance'- to move rhythmically to music

2008-09-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hmm, lets just think about that for a second. "to move rhythmically to music".--a common misconception..thinking you need music to dance. When you analyze this statement think about why you dance. Well i know i like to dance with friends, my brothers and sisters, even when there is no music. Just with the joy of Him in us. Pretending for a moment that we are carefree and have everything under control.

These simple thoughts are what makes us who we are. As Mellie says, just writing these things down throughout the day on anything-a notebook, post it note, or even a crumpled up napkin. I love thoughts like these that just flood our minds.

So i figure putting song lyrics to this post wouldnt be appropriate, so i think i'll but a quote [one of my favorite quotes by the way]...no music, just words:

"I've been trying to write this letter for a while now, the kind you said you'd never received. The kind I've been working on my whole life. I remember being 13 years old, sitting in my room all night, listening to the same song over and over. I thought that if I could write something beautiful, something honest, I could make someone love me."-Carter Webb(Adam Brody); In the Land of Women -

-i wonder if he ever tried dancing?-

quite sincerely,

kayla

Our name is our virtue

2008-08-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

Alrighttt well, i think im at a point where so many things have happened these past couple weeks, but at the same time it feels like i havent really done anything. I'm deffinetly in a more relaxed mood tonight. It just feels like the kind of night where you go on a walk with a bunch of your friends and just joke around, have a few moments of serious talking, and then just have fun again. Your not really sure where your going, but it doesn't matter because you are just having some fellowship. Maybe the kind of night where you're up til 3:30 in the morning, talking to your friends online and eating lucky charms (or whichever cereal you prefer hehe). And even though things arent perfect you have to enjoy life sometime right? So right now im listening to the Jason Mraz song "I'm yours". Its a cute song, just nice and upbeat, but not too hyper. So here are some lyrics...
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and
I laughed I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons it's what we
aim to do our name is our virtue But I won't hesitate no more, no
more it cannot waitI'm yours Well open up your mind and see like
me open up your plans and you're free look into your heart
and you will find that the sky is yours so please don't, please don't,
please don't, there's no need to complicate, Cause our time is short
This, this, this is our fate,
I'm yours

Adios mis amigos<3

One kind kiss before we part, drop and tear and say goodbye.

2008-08-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

"I think dream so we don't have to be apart so long.

If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time."

-Calvin and Hobbes

Missing someone is horrible...probably the worst feeling you could ever feel. But

i think God uses our weakest moments for good. We can look up to Him and be

comforted knowing He loves us. He never leaves us. People may, and do, whether

it's because they want to, or if the circumstances call for it. But He never does.

Have you ever thought what it would be like to be a bird? Sure, you'd have your

responsibilities (like taking care of your little baby birds) but you could just fly

anywhere you wanted to. So free to do anything, see the world. Experience every-

thing possible. Just having that sense of ability.

still in love with Him,

Kayla

Take a moment and breathe...

2008-08-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how one little thing can brighten your day. Whether it's the first flower in your garden, a song that relates to you and seems like it's written for you, or just a simple compliment from a friend. These things help define who we are, and encourage us to keep going. When our lives have taken twists and turns, those simple things remind us to just take a moment and breathe. And appreciate those things or people in our lives who we wouldn't ever want to live without knowing.
Heres a little something i wrote, i put it up on facebook, but i thought i'd put it in here too.

Pages of a Book
Do you ever anticipate the perfect day?
Or slowly turn the pages of a book, even though you want to find out whats going to happen next. You like the element of suprise and the mystery of not knowing. Then when you find out you are either disappointed, because its not what you had planned, or really grateful, because it is exactly what you had in mind. Imagine being a character in a book; your whole life planned out by someone who created you. Who knows you better than anyone else, and who loves you and keeps you safe. But at the same time makes your life interesting, just to keep you prepared and on your toes- not too comfortable with the ways of the world and how you live. Someone who knows how much you can handle without pushing you over the edge, even if you think it's too much. And even though you dont know what's going to happen next, the author of your life has everything planned out for you in the best, fulfilling way possible through them.Now don't imagine, but know and soak it in, that it's real. God loves us and has given us value.

Peace and adios<3

"Memories carry me through the day."--Jenna

2008-08-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, i had this wholeeeeee blog typed out and then the blogger thing said something was wrong when i went to publish it, sooooo now i have to rewrite the whole thing. I think i will just summarize what i had before.
The title of my post is a quote in my friend Jenna's profile. It really explains me since iv been back from Costa Rica. I find myself thinking of things randomly from the trip that cheer me up, or get my sad, or whatever. Its a little odd i think, but it still gets me through the day.
Things that are going on with me currently (and not just memories) are that im hoping August 24th pulls through with some plans. I have a friend in Texas (from the trip), and he said that him and his family would be in NYC on Aug. 24th and that me and Jenna should go and meet him..and i guess whoever else wants to go and see him. I'm soooooooo hoping that it works out!
But yea, thats where things are for now i guess.
en el nombre de Cristo,
Kaylaaaa

Back in NY, but not home

2008-07-30T06:24:00.001-07:00

Alright, well i've been holding off doing this post for a few reasons. The trip to Cañas was so great that i wanted to relive it in my head all day everyday. Also things that i thought i needed to do before, i dont feel the same about now. Like writing in this post. It's kind of pointless unless i mention the one true constant in my life. One that will never change, and on who i hopefully will hold onto with everything i have: God. He is the reason i went on this trip to Cañas. He introduced me to so many people there who i grew to love and have become my brothers and sisters in Christ. It's so great, just knowing that someone else loves God and Jesus as much as you do, and spending every second with them. It's refreshing and this brother, sister love is truly amazing. On the trip we met up with a team from Texas and even though it took a day or two, we became really good friends. Through God's love we became really close, even though we only knew each other for a little while. Everything in the Lord is so much deeper than anything that is without Him. Growing close to the Texas team and our translators through God has been amazing. I've grown so much closer to Christ and i pray that you reading this will touch some place in your heart after reading it. Thank you friends for all your support while i was gone.
in Jesus and His love
Kayla

ps i will have pictures soon!

Cañas, Costa Rica....here i come

2008-07-18T06:26:00.000-07:00

Alright, it's Friday, the day before i leave for Costa Rica! I'm excited but also a little nervous. I woke up this morning at like 8:30 because i couldnt sleep...even though its something i really should do since i will be waking up at 3:30 tomorrow morning, meeting up with people at my church at 4:15, and then getting on the plane and taking off around 6:30ish. craziness. Anyways, this picture is a sunset in Cañas. One of the many things im looking forward too, just the simple beauty of that town...and country. Just the feeling of being in a different country. Feeling like you have the world at your feet, ahead of you. Right now i have the song Vienna by Billy Joel in my head. I like it a alot and im not sure, but maybe it applies to me. Here are some lyrics:

Slow down, you crazy child

you're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart, tell me

Why are you still so afraid?

But you know that when the truth is told..

That you can get what you want or you get old

You're gonna kick off before you even

Get halfway through

When will you realize,

Vienna waits for you?

You've got your passion,

you've got your pride but

don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Adios<3

P.S. I'll miss you guys!

Numero Uno

2008-04-30T13:14:00.001-07:00

Dedicated to God and His calling in my life. :)